The moment I found out I was pregnant was ONE shock, and the SECOND shock that hit me was the moment I decided to continue my unwanted pregnancy (at about 2 months in).
why the SHOCK?
The second shock being the moment I realized I had so much free time up to now, and the questioning myself on the “why didn’t I do all the things I wanted to sooner?”. Like,
- solo travelling to Paris and romanticizing my life away eating croissants and feeling cute
- taking a spontaneous trip outside of London on a random weekend, popping on a train and exploring a new city
- making an effort to take myself out to more cute café dates where I would work on my blog, and have some nice coffee, whilst I people watch through the window
- going to a Pilates class and having some yummy brunch after, in my aesthetic gym set
All dreams I have yet to live.
Why didn’t I ever get around to doing those things?
It’s not that I always had a real reason, but in retrospect, I can see that I let life get to me.
Entering the workforce in my 20s, paying bills, and not truly knowing who I was as a person (what I enjoyed, or didn’t enjoy) made it so that I was living from weekend to weekend, paycheck to paycheck; trying to enjoy each second in the warmth of my bed, comfort of my home, and scrolling through the enjoyment of each following movie on Netflix.
Nothing wrong with being a homebody, but I may have allowed myself to be a bit too comfortable, considering all of the things I would have wanted to do, specially in my 20s.
And why did I allow myself to get comfortable with life?
Because I thought I had all the time in the world…
“i’ll do it tomorrow”
I DELAYED the things I wanted in life, the fun things, the spontaneous things, the adventurous things, all for “tomorrow”, when “tomorrow” was never guaranteed.
I was raised always hearing the phrase “don’t leave for tomorrow what you can do today”. Essentially a life lesson to do the things you need, but I’d apply it to all things you want also.
I’m blessed to say “tomorrow” came many times, and I?
Well I carried on doing the same thing: delaying it for later and later.
To the point, where I am now 25 and I have simply been swaying through the motions of life, not really taking control of my narrative and not being serious about my happiness, my discipline, my business, and so on.
I’m not saying it’s bad to go with the flow, specially when you jump into your 20s not knowing whatsoever what way to go, but don’t let life just happen to you; is what I have learnt.
Life is happening to me right now, with my current pregnancy, and all the spontaneous trips, exciting adventures travelling, and cute café work dates feel like it’s all but a dream that is out-of-reach.
what now?
Even though I feel tremendously upset by this realization, and shock, I don’t want to just let it be and accept this fate.
If anything, in this blog, I’m telling you (but also myself) to not let life just be. To do something about it.
And for me?
That means not letting this unwanted pregnancy stop me from living my dreams, to not let it mean that my life is now over and I have no way of being happy anymore.
It will be hard, but I don’t want to let motherhood strip away all my dreams.
I don’t want to ONLY be a mum (nothing against it but not for me), I want to carry on being the woman I am, but even more certain and more focused on how I want to live my life.
Yes, motherhood will take a huge part of that, but I want to preserve what I can from my individuality and conquer my dreams.
But there’s only one way to do that…
Taking control of my own narrative.
life teaches you
How will I take control of my narrative just like that?
Well, life teaches us.
I’m not just going to say “well, I’m just going to start doing the things” because that wouldn’t be realistic, since it has never come naturally to me to do so, but it has made me mature my perspective in life.
By this, I mean, my vision of life, and how i use my time has changed.
The reality that time will become very finite, with motherhood, creates the need to prioritise and get real serious about what it is that I want my time to be filled with.
What is truly important to me?
What truly lights me up, and I need to explore more of?
Yes, it may not happen in the first few months post-partum, but I will make it happen that’s a certain truth, and I will be sure to document how I take control of my life and happiness.
Yes, it may be that certain dreams like travelling may not happen so soon since time may not to be filled with more pressing priorities such as family, and working on my online business (this brand and expanding!).
However, it doesn’t mean I can’t do the things. I can but I will need to plan more, prepare more, and work more.
Maybe life is teaching me to be just that. Serious about my life.
Maybe life is shaping and moulding me into the woman that actually conquers all her dreams and levels up to a whole new game.
Life teaches you, and you can’t always see how, but you can choose how to take it and what to do with it.
That’s what I am striving for.
♡
I’ll be logging updates thorughout this whole journey as a mother-to-be, working to be an entrepreneur, but to also still preserve the girlhood within, to try and be her best self, and live her happiest life, so keep-up with the blog.
I release a new blog post every Friday!
Let me know if you’re in a similar headspace (pregnant or without kids), being in our 20s is confusing and taking control of our story is the only way we can take ownership of our happiness and live out our dream life.
I document my unwanted pregnancy journey at 25, taking control of my narrative, figuring out being a girl in my 20s, chasing my dream life, and conquering my boss babe dream of becoming a self-employed, entrepreneur / Blogger!